A brief autobiography of Matthew Jacob Streeter
This is my life story, updated January 2023. As you will see, I'm just an ordinary guy who happens to be a believer.
 |
I've gained a lot of weight since this picture was taken...
|
My personal history should start with my birth, and, incidentally, that is the most interesting part of my story. I was born with my identical twin brother, Michael, February 8, 1985. Mike was born first (we were five minutes apart). As a result, I have a birth-order conundrum: I don’t know if I am second oldest or if I tie for oldest. As is often the case for twins, we were premature—about 6 weeks early. We were very small, and I was the smaller of the two at 3 pounds 12 ounces. My smaller size was due to a condition known as Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. It’s exactly what it sounds like: I was giving Mike a blood transfusion through our shared placenta. I have a picture of myself as a new-born, and it is not cute. I look like a little alien: red skin, bulging eyes, shocked expression, and my hands are clasped to the sides of my head like Edvard Munchs’s The Scream. I didn’t just look like an extra-terrestrial as an infant: I could not survive at this planet’s ambient temperature, so I had to be kept in an incubator. In spite of the unusual circumstances of my birth, I have enjoyed good health throughout my life. The only lingering side effect of being premature is my small stature. Given my gene pool, I wasn’t going to be tall any way!
People always ask me what is is like being a twin. I’ll be honest, I feel sorry for all you non-twins, because it’s great! Mike and I have been best friends our whole lives; we have always gotten along well and enjoyed being brothers. We didn’t fight with each other (at least not that I can remember). I’m not sure why, but I think we were just too similar to fight. As children, we were not two individuals; we had one shared identity. We were “the twins.” We looked nearly identical, we had all the same likes and dislikes, and were always together. As we got older, we tried to create separate identities. We went to different high schools, had different friends, and developed different styles. Still, Mike is more like me than anyone else could ever be. And, even though we live in different states, we are still close friends.
I want to give you some idea of what my parents are like. I could just say that they are amazing, but I want to give some insight into their personalities. So…my mom. If you were to meet her the first thing you would notice is her small stature. The second thing you would notice is her energy. She doesn’t have a hyperactive type of energy: it’s more of an intensity that is present in her gaze, the way she talks, her focus, and her acute observation. My mom is industrious. She is always busy, always learning, always producing. And yet, paradoxically, she is always having fun and enjoying herself as she does it all.
My dad is really hard to describe. There are two sides of his nature that seem contradictory. One side is fearless, determined, and uncompromising. The other side is humorous, playful, and fun-loving. If you put all these personality components behind a soft-spoken and reserved exterior, you have the mystery that is my dad. I remember going to home teach with my dad, and we had to walk past some large, aggressive dogs to get to the house we were visiting. I cowered behind my dad to avoid the dogs, and he didn’t even look at them. He just walked past the dogs confidently and didn’t seem intimidated. That’s the kind of person he is: he never turns back or looses his nerve.
I should also mention my siblings. I have 3 brothers (including my twin) and two sisters. We all ended up paired off based on our ages and genders. Mike and I are the first pair, then my two sisters, then my two younger brothers. I don’t remember playing that much with my younger siblings. I was more of a baby sitter to them then a playmate. Now that we are all grown up, they are some of my closest friends. Each one has a very distinct personality: Mike is stoic and idealistic, Sarah is sprightly and playful, Rebekah (Bekah) is passionate and artistic, Nathaniel is athletic and social, and Daniel is creative and scientific.
I won’t say much about my childhood because it is all a blur in my memory. I was a day-dreamer and was often oblivious to what was going on around me. I loved to read and to explore. I was never drawn to sports because they were too fast-paced for me. I preferred to take my time. I remember being at recess once in elementary school, and all the other kids were playing basketball. I was sitting at a table with some of the teachers and talking with them. One of the teachers asked “Why aren’t you playing with the other kids?” and another responded “He’s just being a little adult.”
Fortunately, I can remember some important spiritual experiences from my childhood. I can’t recall my baptism, but I can remember being confirmed and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost. When the words were said “receive the Holy Ghost” I had warm feeling come into my chest that made me extremely happy. I felt like laughing, but I restrained myself because I didn’t want to be disruptive. I also remember when I prayed to ask if the Book of Mormon was true. I was saying my bedtime prayers, and it just occurred to me to ask the question. I received a witness from the Holy Ghost that the book is true, and it wasn’t subtle: it was intense! I remember laying I'm my bed just enjoying the feeling and wanting it to last forever. Another major spiritual experience occurred when I was 16. I was blessing the sacrament for the first time with Mike just after being set apart as a priest. As we were breaking the bread and saying the sacrament prayers, I felt a strong spiritual witness that I was doing the right thing. Afterword, I asked Mike if he experienced the same feeling, and he said that he had. These may sound like small experiences, but they make up the foundation of who I am today. I am certain that God knows who I am and that He can speak to me through the Holy Ghost.
Another important spiritual milestone in my life was my mission. I was called to the Indiana, Indianapolis Mission, and I grew a lot from the experience. The irony of my mission call is that it wasn’t where I wanted to serve, but it turned out to be exactly what I needed. I wanted to have an adventure in a foreign country and learn a new language. Instead I learned to teach the gospel in my own language and to those of my own culture. After my two year mission was over, I was given many precious opportunities to continue teaching the gospel.
My mission sounds easy compared to those who went to a foreign country, but I have to admit, it was one of the most difficult experiences of my life. I struggled with being shy and having to approach strangers. I struggled to cope with difficult companions. I struggled with working hard every day and feeling that my labors were fruitless. The amazing thing about all that struggle was that it changed me in so many positive ways. I never would have become the person that I am today if God had allowed me to stay in my comfort zone. I learned that adversity truly is a gift from Heavenly Father.
About three years after my mission, I got married to Clarisse. I’m not sure how to write about my first marriage because my perspective has changed over time. There were times that I was happy about the marriage, but it all seems like a disaster in hindsight.
Clarisse and I met online via the dating site EHarmony. The site had each of us fill out surveys when we signed up in order to profile our personalities. Then the site introduced us to each other based on our compatibility. She was in Idaho and I was in Arizona, but we were in constant communication via phone and email. Being a naive 24-year-old who had never been in a relationship before, I was recklessly infatuated with Clarisse before I had ever seen her in person. After two months of long-distance communication, we arranged to meet in Clarisse’s home town of Riverside, California. We spent a week together there and got engaged before the week was over. I proposed to her in the celestial room of the Redlands California Temple, and six months later, we were married.
Clarisse and I were married for eleven years and had four kids together (Evelyn, Felicity, Lydia, and Ruth). It was a low conflict marriage that seemed happy on the surface, but there were some fundamental differences between us that caused trouble from the beginning. I had expected Clarisse to be an equal partner who would function as an adult, but I found her to be more like one of the children. Instead of assuming the responsibilities of a wife and mother, Clarisse spent the majority of her time pursuing her own interests (which consisted primarily of romance novels and reality TV shows). As a result, the burden of housekeeping and child care fell chiefly on me in addition to being the breadwinner.
Although I felt abandoned by Clarisse, I didn’t think that the situation merited divorce and resolved to make the most of it. After an uneventful ten years of marriage, things fell apart precipitously in the eleventh year. It’s hard to explain what happened because I don’t understand it myself. It started with Clarisse’s sudden disaffection with the Church which seemed to change everything else about her. She began to see herself as a victim of an oppressive patriarchal regime, and before long, she was accusing me of being controlling and abusive. When I asked her what I did that was abusive, I never got a clear answer. She would say that it was covert emotional abuse, and she would twist ordinary interactions to claim that I had been manipulative. When I tried to reason with her, she would take offense and accuse me of being in denial. It seemed like she was living in a fragile delusion that no one was allowed to question. She would cut anyone out of her life who failed to validate her abuse fantasy including her parents and siblings. In the end, she left not just the marriage, but her values, her family, and her religion.
As you can probably tell from my resentful tone, the marriage ended with hostility on both sides, and the situation has not improved since. Coparenting has proven to be nearly impossible given our ideological differences and the bad blood between us. I feel especially sorry for the kids who are caught in the middle of the fiasco through no fault of their own. I’ve learned that life can end up really messy even when we think that we are doing everything right. Keeping the commandments hasn’t prevented me from having trials, but my Savior has always been there with me. The fact that I got through a messy divorce with my testimony (and sanity) intact is evidence of God’s grace.
One of the positive aspects of getting divorced was that it gave me the freedom to choose a better wife after spending eleven years regretting my first choice. As soon as I was officially single, I jumped into the dating game. It wasn’t long before I met Kylie, who was also a divorced single parent and a committed member of the Church. We first connected on an LDS dating app called Mutual and arranged to meet for ice cream. We had a great time talking and discovered that we had a lot in common. In addition to our values and faith, we also had similar experiences with divorce and the struggles of coparenting. Kylie was nervous about getting into a relationship because of her prior experience and wanted to take things slow. I freaked her out every time that I showed signs of being “serious,” but I was eventually able to gain her trust. After dating for a year, she agreed to marry me even though it would mean taking on four step children! Kylie has been accepting of my children and treats them as her own, and they have greatly benefited from her influence.
One of the greatest blessings in my life is having six wonderful daughters. In addition to the four from my first marriage (mentioned previously) I am thankful to have Alora for my step daughter as well as my youngest, Grace, who was born to Kylie and me. I expected to have kids that were quiet and shy like me, but they turned out to be quite the opposite! I love the way they are; they make my life fun and exciting. Evelyn is extroverted and spontaneous. She exudes an infectious ecstatic energy whenever she is excited (which is often). Felicity is my rough-and-tumble little tomboy. She is a reckless thrill seeker! Lydia is a playful little tease. She loves to make people laugh and to get attention. Ruth is a determined little child who knows what she wants and won’t quit until she gets it! It’s tough to deal with right now, but she is likely to be a real go-getter as an adult. Alora came into my life at the age of nine, and I’m thankful that she has accepted me as her step father. She is the most executive of the kids, and she is always coming up with activities that bring the whole family together. Lastly, Grace is our little miracle child who came to us unexpectedly. Kylie didn’t think that she could have children because she hadn’t been able to get pregnant in her previous marriage. Her daughter Alora was adopted as an infant, and with Kylie and I in our late 30’s, we didn’t think we’d be blessed with more children. It seems that God had someone else he wanted to send to our family, however. Grace is a little socialite who always wants to be part of the action and see everything that is going on. She takes after her mother!
I ought to say something about the least interesting part of my life: my career. I’m a chemist, and I won’t bore you with a job description. I decided to pursue chemistry because I enjoyed my high school chemistry class, and because I became enthralled with the subject when I got the Chemistry Merit Badge in Boy Scouts. I realize that this is opposite from the reaction of most people who are exposed to the subject of chemistry. When I tell people I’m a chemist, they usually respond: “I hated my chemistry class!” So I guess I’m just abnormal. I’m not sure if I chose the right career because there are a lot of other jobs that I would probably enjoy doing. Some days I wish I had been a dentist so that I could be rich. Other days I wish I had been an artist so that I could be poor but love my job. Being a chemist isn’t bad though. The major perk is that people assume that I’m smart when I tell them what I do for a living.
To wrap up, I will say this: the crux of my life experience is that God is very generous and very loving. He’s aware of everyone, even ordinary people like me. All of the events of my life have had a purpose—His purpose. I can see how everything has come together, the good and the bad, according to his design. He’s a great Father!
